remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
