I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
