so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
