I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
