Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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