one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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