allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
