Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
