apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
