So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
