Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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