you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
