I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
