do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
