I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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