The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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