it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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