And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
