she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
