She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
