I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
