You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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