All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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