Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
