don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
