the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
