so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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