you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think pants incapable of making pants work
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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