Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
