does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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