The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
