Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
