I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
