Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
