i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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