Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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