i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
