so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
