Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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