I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
