so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
PANTIES FOUND
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
