Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I cut my penus on the lid.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
