I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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