So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
