dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
