Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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