hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
