it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
