Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
