My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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