You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
