Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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