I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
