I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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