He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just forgot I was standing up.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
