You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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