you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
