Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
