I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
