She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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