listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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